In my ongoing quest to land a high-ranking job in the incoming Obama administration -- and with Secretary of State already taken (damn that Hillary!) -- I decided to embark on an exhaustive, first-hand study of our nation's healthcare system.
To do this, I contracted a particularly virulent strain of pneumonia, which failed to respond to the first two antibiotics prescribed to fight it, and which ultimately required a five-day stay in the hospital. Then, after I was released -- two days before Thanksgiving -- I decided I still had not seen enough, so the next day I got myself re-admitted. This time, it was due to a stomach virus I had picked up while in the hospital.
Finally, I was released again on Thanksgiving day, whereupon my Mommy and Daddy came down with the stomach bug simulatenously. We were a sad, sad sight. I won't get too graphic here, but let's just say I wasn't sure if they should be changing my diapers, or if I should be changing theirs!
My conclusions:
Oxygen tubes in the nose = bad
IV needles in the arm = bad
Nurses who only listen to my lungs = good
Nurses who stick me with things = bad
Chest x-rays = bad
Oral antibiotics = bad
24-7 screenings of "Little Einsteins" DVDs = good
Here I am in happier, healthier times. The mullet was going strong, and so was I.
Showing off my mad piano skills. "Hey, band! Let's give 'em a little 'Love Train' -- in D major!"
I couldn't have made it through my hospitalization without Cookie Monster. And the other Cookie Monster. 
You might think a liquid diet would stink. But actually, it wasn't so bad!
This is the toy room in the pediatrics ward -- the place where I caught the stomach virus!
Here I am with Nurse Stephanie. We had some issues when we started out -- she was a little needle-happy -- but by the end of my stay I had whipped her into shape.
Thankfully, the pneumonia didn't rob me of my cuteness.
As you might expect, I made quite an impression on the nurses, some of whom made me a boat, with oars and everything. I call it the U.S.S. Diarrhea.
Hello, little baby sister! Thanks for staying with me in the hospital! Hope you're digging that hospital food! See you in February!
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing graphically your hospital experience with us...sorry you had to be there but glad to know that "baby sister", your Mommy and Dad kept you company. we sure are glad that you are back home and feeling better. love, Gr-Aunt Barbara & Gr-uncle Jim
Lucinda: That was quite the scare and no fun for the whole family. Yuck. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for adding pounds, not shedding them radidly, so you guys can look forward to making up for lost time over Christmas.
Keep working on those piano skills. I think your Daddy's secret is inside that little glass, near the keyboard. Love, Joe & Julie
Post a Comment