Bonus video: Tickling the Ivories

How I Spent My Thanksgiving Vacation

In my ongoing quest to land a high-ranking job in the incoming Obama administration -- and with Secretary of State already taken (damn that Hillary!) -- I decided to embark on an exhaustive, first-hand study of our nation's healthcare system.

To do this, I contracted a particularly virulent strain of pneumonia, which failed to respond to the first two antibiotics prescribed to fight it, and which ultimately required a five-day stay in the hospital. Then, after I was released -- two days before Thanksgiving -- I decided I still had not seen enough, so the next day I got myself re-admitted. This time, it was due to a stomach virus I had picked up while in the hospital.

Finally, I was released again on Thanksgiving day, whereupon my Mommy and Daddy came down with the stomach bug simulatenously. We were a sad, sad sight. I won't get too graphic here, but let's just say I wasn't sure if they should be changing my diapers, or if I should be changing theirs!

My conclusions:

Oxygen tubes in the nose = bad
IV needles in the arm = bad
Nurses who only listen to my lungs = good
Nurses who stick me with things = bad
Chest x-rays = bad
Oral antibiotics = bad
24-7 screenings of "Little Einsteins" DVDs = good




Here I am in happier, healthier times. The mullet was going strong, and so was I.




Showing off my mad piano skills. "Hey, band! Let's give 'em a little 'Love Train' -- in D major!"

I couldn't have made it through my hospitalization without Cookie Monster. And the other Cookie Monster.

You might think a liquid diet would stink. But actually, it wasn't so bad!

This is the toy room in the pediatrics ward -- the place where I caught the stomach virus!

Here I am with Nurse Stephanie. We had some issues when we started out -- she was a little needle-happy -- but by the end of my stay I had whipped her into shape.

Thankfully, the pneumonia didn't rob me of my cuteness.

As you might expect, I made quite an impression on the nurses, some of whom made me a boat, with oars and everything. I call it the U.S.S. Diarrhea.

Hello, little baby sister! Thanks for staying with me in the hospital! Hope you're digging that hospital food! See you in February!