Saturday, December 6, 2008
How I Spent My Thanksgiving Vacation
In my ongoing quest to land a high-ranking job in the incoming Obama administration -- and with Secretary of State already taken (damn that Hillary!) -- I decided to embark on an exhaustive, first-hand study of our nation's healthcare system.
To do this, I contracted a particularly virulent strain of pneumonia, which failed to respond to the first two antibiotics prescribed to fight it, and which ultimately required a five-day stay in the hospital. Then, after I was released -- two days before Thanksgiving -- I decided I still had not seen enough, so the next day I got myself re-admitted. This time, it was due to a stomach virus I had picked up while in the hospital.
Finally, I was released again on Thanksgiving day, whereupon my Mommy and Daddy came down with the stomach bug simulatenously. We were a sad, sad sight. I won't get too graphic here, but let's just say I wasn't sure if they should be changing my diapers, or if I should be changing theirs!
My conclusions:
Oxygen tubes in the nose = bad
IV needles in the arm = bad
Nurses who only listen to my lungs = good
Nurses who stick me with things = bad
Chest x-rays = bad
Oral antibiotics = bad
24-7 screenings of "Little Einsteins" DVDs = good
Here I am in happier, healthier times. The mullet was going strong, and so was I.
Showing off my mad piano skills. "Hey, band! Let's give 'em a little 'Love Train' -- in D major!"
I couldn't have made it through my hospitalization without Cookie Monster. And the other Cookie Monster. 
You might think a liquid diet would stink. But actually, it wasn't so bad!
This is the toy room in the pediatrics ward -- the place where I caught the stomach virus!
Here I am with Nurse Stephanie. We had some issues when we started out -- she was a little needle-happy -- but by the end of my stay I had whipped her into shape.
Thankfully, the pneumonia didn't rob me of my cuteness.
As you might expect, I made quite an impression on the nurses, some of whom made me a boat, with oars and everything. I call it the U.S.S. Diarrhea.
Hello, little baby sister! Thanks for staying with me in the hospital! Hope you're digging that hospital food! See you in February!Sunday, November 2, 2008
Major Life Milestones: Big Girl Bed, Halloween, Flower Girl, No
I'm 2 years old now, as most of you know, which means there's going to be some changes around our house. Heck, there have already been some changes, and I'm just getting started.
First of all, I don't do what nobody says anymore. (And yeah, I know that's a double-negative -- duh -- but I'm using it for effect.) The days of me doing the bidding of these so-called adults, including (make that especially) the two living in my house, are over. I recently learned an awesome new word, which has totally transformed my life and opened up all sorts of wonderful possibilities. I think you all know what I'm talking about, but if you need a little clue, let's just say it starts with an N and ends with an O, and in between ain't nothing but attitude!
I've already mastered the art of saying no, to the point where I can say it without even saying it, if you know what I mean. Take the example of my now-obsolete crib. When I got tired of sleeping in this kiddie prison, I learned how to bust out of the joint -- or release myself on my own recognizance, if you wish. When Mommy or Daddy put me back in, I climbed back out. This went on and on for a few nights -- when will these people learn? -- until finally they gave up and put my mattress on the floor, where I can get up and do whatever I feel like once they fall asleep. In other words, I win. And now, we've got a big-girl bed -- a four-poster, bright pink, straight out of "Fancy Nancy" -- on the way. I win again!
And another thing: We went to a wedding a few weeks back -- my Uncle Todd and Aunt Jen. It was a lovely affair and I enjoyed being the center of attention. (My Mommy and Daddy tried to tell me the day was not about me, but every day is about me, so that didn't make any sense.) Anyway, they tried to get me to walk down the aisle as a flower girl, even enlisting the assistance of a lovely girl named Carly to hold my hand. That was fine, and I did exactly as I was supposed to do -- during the rehearsal, that is. But when it came time for the big moment, on a lovely Saturday afternoon along the Chesapeake Bay, I didn't feel like it. So I flopped down right there in the grass, in my fancy dress, until Mommy had to pick me up and carry me down the aisle. As for those flower petals I was supposed to spread? I played with them during the wedding, then spread them afterwards -- when I wanted to.
Just another way of saying no without really saying it. I can already tell: This is going to be a very fun stage.
Does this look like someone you want to mess with? I didn't think so.
Walking down the aisle with Carly at the rehearsal, and nailing it.
Rehearsal dinner fun with my Daddy. Wonder if he's drunk?
Hey, Mommy... Be careful with Cookie. He gets light-headed if he's upside-down for too long.
Dad: "OK, everyone, look at the camera." Me: "I'll look where I want to look."
I barely recognize this well-dressed man.
Can Cookie walk down the aisle with me? No? Well, in that case, I've got some other ideas for livening up this show.
Grandpa showing me some love.
Me, Mommy, Aunt Courtney, Aunt Melissa. Who's sitting on Cookie?
Killing a little time before the ceremony. I'd love to roll around in the sand, but Daddy won't let me.
Hey, Carly... I'm out. You go on ahead without me.
I feel that the best time to spread the flower petals is after the ceremony, and I really don't care if the rest of you disagree.
At the reception... I think Daddy already made a beeline to the bar.
Nothing says wedding reception like a perfectly made Shirley Temple.
Cutting a rug with Aunt Melissa. I wonder if this DJ has "Love Train"?
Carly congratulating me on a nice performance as flower girl.
Tell you what... That wedding wore me out. How about you, Cookie?
Halloween night... Am I going dressed up as Cookie Monster, or is he going dressed up as me?
Here it is, all put together... I'm ready to get some candy.
Cookie, Zebra (Isadora), Giraffe (Estelle), Flapper (Maya). Am I the only one here who knows how to say cheese?
Showing an extraordinary lack of originality, both of my feet are also dressed as Cookie Monsters.
My candy is OK, but Sydney's looks really, really good.
I'm about to go into a candy coma.
Capping off the night with a big serving of cookie cake. I had enough of that costume. My feet, on the other hand, are still wearing theirs.
Ah... a glorious fall day. Dig those red Chucks! (Thanks, Grandma Gail!)
Yeah, we got it... Hot chocolate!
Happy Fall, everyone. Thanks for visiting my blog. Please accept this leaf as a token of my appreciation.
First of all, I don't do what nobody says anymore. (And yeah, I know that's a double-negative -- duh -- but I'm using it for effect.) The days of me doing the bidding of these so-called adults, including (make that especially) the two living in my house, are over. I recently learned an awesome new word, which has totally transformed my life and opened up all sorts of wonderful possibilities. I think you all know what I'm talking about, but if you need a little clue, let's just say it starts with an N and ends with an O, and in between ain't nothing but attitude!
I've already mastered the art of saying no, to the point where I can say it without even saying it, if you know what I mean. Take the example of my now-obsolete crib. When I got tired of sleeping in this kiddie prison, I learned how to bust out of the joint -- or release myself on my own recognizance, if you wish. When Mommy or Daddy put me back in, I climbed back out. This went on and on for a few nights -- when will these people learn? -- until finally they gave up and put my mattress on the floor, where I can get up and do whatever I feel like once they fall asleep. In other words, I win. And now, we've got a big-girl bed -- a four-poster, bright pink, straight out of "Fancy Nancy" -- on the way. I win again!
And another thing: We went to a wedding a few weeks back -- my Uncle Todd and Aunt Jen. It was a lovely affair and I enjoyed being the center of attention. (My Mommy and Daddy tried to tell me the day was not about me, but every day is about me, so that didn't make any sense.) Anyway, they tried to get me to walk down the aisle as a flower girl, even enlisting the assistance of a lovely girl named Carly to hold my hand. That was fine, and I did exactly as I was supposed to do -- during the rehearsal, that is. But when it came time for the big moment, on a lovely Saturday afternoon along the Chesapeake Bay, I didn't feel like it. So I flopped down right there in the grass, in my fancy dress, until Mommy had to pick me up and carry me down the aisle. As for those flower petals I was supposed to spread? I played with them during the wedding, then spread them afterwards -- when I wanted to.
Just another way of saying no without really saying it. I can already tell: This is going to be a very fun stage.
Does this look like someone you want to mess with? I didn't think so.Walking down the aisle with Carly at the rehearsal, and nailing it.
Rehearsal dinner fun with my Daddy. Wonder if he's drunk?
Hey, Mommy... Be careful with Cookie. He gets light-headed if he's upside-down for too long.
Dad: "OK, everyone, look at the camera." Me: "I'll look where I want to look."
I barely recognize this well-dressed man.
Can Cookie walk down the aisle with me? No? Well, in that case, I've got some other ideas for livening up this show.
Grandpa showing me some love.
Me, Mommy, Aunt Courtney, Aunt Melissa. Who's sitting on Cookie?
Killing a little time before the ceremony. I'd love to roll around in the sand, but Daddy won't let me. Time to walk down the aisle... Nah, I think I'll bail.
Hey, Carly... I'm out. You go on ahead without me.
I feel that the best time to spread the flower petals is after the ceremony, and I really don't care if the rest of you disagree.
At the reception... I think Daddy already made a beeline to the bar.
Nothing says wedding reception like a perfectly made Shirley Temple.
Cutting a rug with Aunt Melissa. I wonder if this DJ has "Love Train"?
Carly congratulating me on a nice performance as flower girl. 
Tell you what... That wedding wore me out. How about you, Cookie?Halloween night... Am I going dressed up as Cookie Monster, or is he going dressed up as me?
Here it is, all put together... I'm ready to get some candy. 
Cookie, Zebra (Isadora), Giraffe (Estelle), Flapper (Maya). Am I the only one here who knows how to say cheese?
Showing an extraordinary lack of originality, both of my feet are also dressed as Cookie Monsters.
My candy is OK, but Sydney's looks really, really good.I'm about to go into a candy coma.Capping off the night with a big serving of cookie cake. I had enough of that costume. My feet, on the other hand, are still wearing theirs.
Ah... a glorious fall day. Dig those red Chucks! (Thanks, Grandma Gail!)
Yeah, we got it... Hot chocolate!
Happy Fall, everyone. Thanks for visiting my blog. Please accept this leaf as a token of my appreciation.Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Milking My Birthday For All It's Worth
Turned two a couple weeks back. Had a big party at the bowling alley. Got tons of presents. Mommy baked a cake. Daddy took some pictures. I wore a tutu. Hey, at least there was no mistaking who was the belle of this ball. On to the pictures!
I'm showing off two things here: my new dollhouse, courtesy of Mommy and Daddy, and my killer mullet -- also courtesy of Mommy and Daddy.
Helping Mommy bake my special birthday cupcakes. OK, let's get to the frosting already!
Mmmmm... frosting.
The finished product... I think I'll just lick this frosting off the top.
Cool wrapping paper from my Nanny. Wonder what's inside?
Oh, my... A karaoke machine. Do these microphones go here?
OK, it's party time, folks. You know who you are. I don't call what I'm wearing an outfit, but here's what I'm wearing.
Here's Mommy showing off the cakes she made. Yo, Mommy... is that beer non-alcoholic?
Let's see if Sydney can take one of my legendary hugs. Hmmm, she's pretty sturdy.
One thing this shindig needs... party hats.
I don't like to brag, but I like the way my legs look in these heels.
Hugs for Stelly-Dora. I bet I can topple them both over.
Told ya!
Time to break for some pizza...
... and some juice.
Hugs for Maya. If her Mommy wasn't hovering, I'd squeeze the snot out of her.
Whatever it is in this bottle, it makes Daddy act really funny.
If anybody's looking for the juice boxes, I've got 'em all right here.
Whoa... Either my ass is getting bigger or that diaper's getting a little full.
Hugs for Leslie. I wonder what she brought me for a gift.
Bowling with Maya. I don't have the heart to tell her she's over the line, and thus, whatever she scores on this roll won't count.
The cops came and arrested everyone, and this is my mugshot. Just kidding!
Here's what Leslie got me -- a beautiful princess dress, with killer accessories. (Note to self: Leslie gets invited again next year.)
Opening presents while wearing my new princess dress.
A fancy new dress and fancy new boots, from my Aunt Darlene and Uncle Joe. And a sock monkey. Mommy's jealous of my boots. Maybe I'll even let her borrow them.
I'm showing off two things here: my new dollhouse, courtesy of Mommy and Daddy, and my killer mullet -- also courtesy of Mommy and Daddy.
Helping Mommy bake my special birthday cupcakes. OK, let's get to the frosting already!
Mmmmm... frosting.
The finished product... I think I'll just lick this frosting off the top.
Cool wrapping paper from my Nanny. Wonder what's inside?
Oh, my... A karaoke machine. Do these microphones go here?
OK, it's party time, folks. You know who you are. I don't call what I'm wearing an outfit, but here's what I'm wearing.
Here's Mommy showing off the cakes she made. Yo, Mommy... is that beer non-alcoholic?
Let's see if Sydney can take one of my legendary hugs. Hmmm, she's pretty sturdy.
One thing this shindig needs... party hats.
I don't like to brag, but I like the way my legs look in these heels.
Hugs for Stelly-Dora. I bet I can topple them both over.
Told ya!
Time to break for some pizza...
... and some juice.
Hugs for Maya. If her Mommy wasn't hovering, I'd squeeze the snot out of her.
Whatever it is in this bottle, it makes Daddy act really funny.
If anybody's looking for the juice boxes, I've got 'em all right here.
Whoa... Either my ass is getting bigger or that diaper's getting a little full.
Hugs for Leslie. I wonder what she brought me for a gift.
Bowling with Maya. I don't have the heart to tell her she's over the line, and thus, whatever she scores on this roll won't count.
The cops came and arrested everyone, and this is my mugshot. Just kidding!
Here's what Leslie got me -- a beautiful princess dress, with killer accessories. (Note to self: Leslie gets invited again next year.)
Opening presents while wearing my new princess dress.
A fancy new dress and fancy new boots, from my Aunt Darlene and Uncle Joe. And a sock monkey. Mommy's jealous of my boots. Maybe I'll even let her borrow them.
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