Bonus video: Auditioning for "Dancing With the Stars"!

Happy Holidays!

Seasons greetings, family and friends. Sorry for the infrequent (which is to say, nonexistent) posts of late. But you all know how busy I am fulfilling my mission of Absolute Destruction. You'll be glad to know I'm making decent progress on that endeavor -- I have just about destroyed everything in our house and am starting to turn my sights to the houses of friends and relatives, including (fair warning!) some of you.

I'll have more for you after the New Year, including a new Top Ten list (hint: big changes at the top!) and plenty of photos from my adventures. But for now, enjoy this photo of me with a big, fat, old guy with a funny red suit and a white beard. Didn't catch his name, but he looks kind of like how I would envision Elmo in about 50 years.

Love to all,

Lucinda

Bonus video: Halloween

Halloween

Greetings, family and friends. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted, but I was maintaining a silent boycott of my blog for most of October to protest my Daddy's cold, heartless decision to leave me in order to "cover the playoffs" -- whatever that means. (These so-called "adults" are always speaking in code around me. My best guess is that "covering the playoffs" is Daddy-speak for "going out with the boys, eating expensive dinners on The Washington Post's dime and assaulting pianos at 2 a.m. in Marriott lobbies around the country.")

But at least Daddy made it home for Halloween, thanks, he said, to the "Red Sox." (More code. I figure that's his way of saying his "parole officer.") Anyway, this was my first real Halloween -- not counting last year, when I was only 1 1/2 months old and my parents put me in some sort of green straightjacket and told people I was a "pea pod."

I had a great time this year, running all up and down the street, terrorizing trick-or-treaters who wandered by, and picking up little pumpkins from the neighbors' stoops, calling them "ball!" and throwing them to the sidewalk. I also discovered something that, I believe, has changed my life permanently. That's right -- I'm talking about candy.

The above photo and the first one below were taken by my friend and neighbor Dan Magus, a professional photographer -- as opposed to the rest of these woefully inferior shots, most of which were taken by my Daddy, for whom the term "amateur" hardly does justice. For information on prints and to see Dan's other work, check out his website at http://www.magusphoto.com/. He's a friend of the blog, so treat him right.

OK... on to the photos.



You'll notice here that I'm wearing the beak/hat part of the costume. Want to guess how long that stayed on? I'll tell you: Not very freaking long.



Here's my Mommy getting me ready for the big night. I think she's trying to figure out how to get me to keep the beak/hat on. I didn't have the heart to tell her it just ain't gonna happen.



See? I wasn't even out of the kitchen, and already that thing is coming off.



This doesn't count, because Mommy is holding the beak/hat on. I call that cheating.


Here we are with our next-door neighbor Chris and baby Maria. I think Maria shares my utter disdain for this whole photo-taking process.



Here's Daddy and I. We were supposed to be posing for a photo, but I saw something that distracted me. Can't remember what it was, but it could have been a nicely costumed trick-or-treater, or a pumpkin/ball, or a piece of candy -- any of which would have needed my expert hands to tear into them.

Here's me and my neighbor Erich. He's crazy! I like him, because he couldn't care less whether I was wearing the silly beak/hat. He loves me just the way I am!

This is me, smack-dab in the middle of a pumpkin patch (i.e., "a bunch of balls") in Charlotte, N.C., a few weeks before Halloween, when my Mommy and I went to visit our friends Matt and Greg. This would be a great place for some Absolute Destruction, if one were so inclined. (Hmmm... Do we know anyone like that?)


This is just a random, leftover photo from September. I trust you'll agree with me when I say it hardly needs a description.

And finally, since I know you'll all give me a hard time if I didn't include this, my Top 10 List for the month:

LUCINDA'S TOP 10, Nov. 2007

1. Mommy's boobies (Last month: 1. Months on chart: 14)

2. Mommy (Last month: 2. Months on chart: 14)

3. Candy (Last month: NR. Months on chart: 1)

4. *Absolute Destruction of All I Encounter (Last month: 3. Months on chart: 10)

5. Daddy (Last month: 4. Months on chart: 12)

6. **Putting Things Inside Bags and Boxes (Last month: NR. Months on chart: 1)

7. Elmo (Last month: 5. Months on chart: 3)

8. Belly Buttons (Last month: 6. Months on chart: 3)

9. "Bah-Bah Black Sheep" (Last month: NR. Months on chart: 1)

10. My favorite word: "No!" (Last month: NR. Months on chart: 1)

Dropped out of Top 10 this month: Smoothies, Headstands, Doggies (Such as Bubba) Who Lick My Face, The Insides of Major Kitchen Appliances.

*-Category formerly known as Tearing Sh*t Up.

**-Also includes Taking Things Out of Bags and Boxes.

Bonus video II: Watch my Daddy freak out!

Bonus video I: Happy Birthday To Me!

Am I Really One Year Old Already?

Sheesh. Well, that was quick, wasn't it? Seems like only yesterday I was slithering out into this big, old, crazy world (and thinking to myself: "I suppose that guy snapping pictures in my slime-covered face, when all I'm trying to do is take my first breath, is the one who calls himself 'Daddy.' Well, la-di-freakin'-da!") I guess time flies when your biggest worry is how to fit the most possible items in your mouth at once.

Anyway, I turned one a couple of weeks ago, and it was quite a production. Tons of family members and friends dropped by Duncan Street Park out behind my house on a beautiful afternoon to help me celebrate. I tell you what -- there were Elmos everywhere! Word must've gotten out that I dig that silly, red creature. The only thing that scared me was all the candles on my cake -- so many, I couldn't even count that high! (Editor's note: There was only one candle, but Lucinda is correct in that she can't count to one yet.)

Thanks to everyone for the awesome presents -- even the non-Elmo ones. You made it a wonderful day, which I will remember forever. (Well, my long-term memory hasn't really developed to the point where I'd remember much of it. I have a hard enough time remembering which is my "ear" and which is my "nose" when Daddy quizzes me on it. But at least I'll always have these pictures to remind me of how lucky a girl I am and what a fabulous time we all had.)

Enough of my blathering... On to the pictures!

Pre-party planning... Everyone was trying to get me to wear this crazy hat. How long do you think that lasted? Well, let's put it this way: look at all the pictures below and count how many show me wearing that annoying thing.

Opening presents.... Is it wrong that I actually get more pleasure from the paper and the box than from the actual present? So, sue me!

This was hyped as the "Princess of All Birthday Presents" by my Nanny and Papa. Well, I'll be the judge of that!... And whaddya know? I'm loving this thing! Can't wait until I'm old enough to pedal it myself. Oh, who am I kidding? I love being pushed around in it -- along with my little penguin family in the back. (Nice sandals, Daddy... Now start pushing!)

Another shot of me chillin' in my new ride. I'm thinking about trying to get it on an upcoming episode of "Pimp My Ride." Wouldn't that be cool?

Here's me with my Grandma Gail. I'm digging those shades, but what I really want to do is crush them with my bare hands. I hope they're expensive!

A present? For me? Oh, you shouldn't have! (No, seriously, you SHOULD have!)

Here's my Mommy, with me in one hand and a Bloody Mary in the other. If one of those Elmo balloons in the background all of a sudden attacked us, which one do you think she'd protect?

So, like, Mommy's friend Danielle gives me this gift -- an Elmo doll, natch. (Did I mention I like Elmo?) But check this out -- this is no ordinary Elmo. It's Tickle Me Extreme (TMX) Elmo! You tickle his tummy, and he goes absolutely berzerk. Starts flailing his arms, rolling on the floor, cackling like a hyena. Even my Mommy and Daddy seemed to dig this one -- at least the first 500 times I tickled him!

That's Maggie the Dog. I like doggies -- although this one's tail isn't really long enough for me to get a good grip on.

Here's another one of me with TMX Elmo. He looks a little tired. Think I should share my sippee cup with him?

Here's me with my friend and former babysitter Leslie. Want to change my diaper -- you know, for old time's sake?

Here are my birthday cakes, lovingly prepared by my Mommy and Nanny. I was bummed when I found out I had to share. But I got first dibs on the nose!

Here we are, right after the singing of "Happy Birthday." A decent rendition, I must say. But I wish everyone had sung it in Elmo's voice.

Yay! I finally get to eat my cake! Yay!

"OK, you caught me in the wine stash... But I swear I wasn't going to drink it. I just wanted to smash one of those bottles on the ground and hopefully spill its contents, preferably next to someone with white pants."

Here's my and my Nanny. She and Papa came all the way from Georgia for my party. I'm certain they think it was worth it, just for the opportunity to hold me!

That's it for now, folks! More updates later, I promise.

Love,

Lucinda

Bonus video II: Merry-Go-Round... Not Fun!

Bonus video I: Running on the Beach!

How I Spent My Summer Vacation... Plus: A New Top 10 List

Well, I should probably clarify the title of this post -- since my entire life is one big vacation! So let's call it "How I Spent Mommy and Daddy's Vacation (Or: Who Knew Sand Could Get In There?)"

So, my family and I went to the beach in Stone Harbor, New Jersey for a week in August -- which, I'm told, is a family tradition of sorts. (I'm sure Mommy and Daddy are making that part up, since as we all know, time began when I was born!) I know how to walk now, and even run a little....

..... but sometimes I stumble a little, which is how I end up looking like this. Sand really doesn't taste too bad when you wash it down with some juice from a sippee cup that is also full of sand! (Nice closeup, Daddy! Next time, why don't you just stick the lens up my nostril?!)
\

Mommy thought she was giving me a little break here, but really it was me giving her a break. Within moments of this photo being taken, I was making another dash for the ocean! (Or was that when I started terrorizing other beachgoers by taking their stuff and getting in their faces and waving? Can't remember which.)

I really didn't need my hand held, but I didn't want to hurt Daddy's feelings by saying that.


Mommy and Daddy tried to take me on a bike ride, which might've been OK except they made me wear this stupid helmet. I wasn't having any part of that. Hey, nobody infringes on my personal freedoms! Needless to say, the "bike ride" didn't last very long before Mommy had to turn around and go get the car.

Here's Daddy and I getting ready to go to dinner. Anyone care to venture a guess as to who bought me this stylish pearl-snap Western shirt? Daddy said he didn't wear his because he was afraid people would mistake us for twins. (That's ironic, if you ask me, since the other day I heard someone ask if he was my grandfather.)

I know, I know... You don't have to say it. I'm cute. What can I say?

Putt-Putt on a rainy day. I didn't want to show anybody up, so I agreed to caddy for Mommy. She missed this putt even though I gave her the speed and the break.

I like to do headstands in the sand (see above). Unfortunately, this is one of the unintended consequences. Oh well, that's what baby shampoo is for.

We capped off the week with a trip to the boardwalk with Uncle Joe and Aunt Darlene. Aunt Darlene won a game of water-pistol balloon racing and selected this... um... blue gorilla creature as her prize, which she promptly dumped on me. I was pretty tired by this point, so unless it had boobies that gave milk -- which it didn't -- I wasn't too interested. But I've grown to like the poor, goofy bastard!

And finally, for all you fans of my Top 10 Lists....

LUCINDA'S TOP 10, SEPTEMBER 2007

1. Mommy's boobies (Last month: 1, Months on chart: 12)

2. Mommy (Last month: 2, Months on chart: 12)

3. Tearing sh*t up (Last month: 8, Months on chart: 8)

4. Daddy (Last month: 5, Months on chart: 10)

5. Elmo (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

6. Belly buttons (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

7. The insides of major kitchen appliances (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

8. Doggies, such as Bubba, that lick my face (Last month: 6, Months on chart: 4)

9. Smoothies (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

10. Headstands (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

Dropped out of Top 10 this month: Mirrors where I can see myself, Gerber banana-flavored "puffs," Catchy commericial jingles, Mashed bananas, This little piggy went to market.

OK, folks, that's all for now. I'll be back with a new post after my birthday party next weekend. To be honest, I'm kind of alarmed over how quickly my age is increasing. It's, like, exponential, dude! But I'll get over it -- as long as my presents meet my standards, and my cake is yummy!

Swimming Pool Fun With Mommy, Daddy and Aunt Megan!

On Mullets, Eating Sand and the General Indignities of Life As a 9 1/2-month-old

Hi folks,

Those of you who have dealt with me know I'm fairly easy-going. I don't rage against authority just for the sake of raging. I don't scream nonsensically just for the sake of being heard, like certain other babies I have known whose names shall remain nameless. Sure, I've been known to voice my displeasure at the occasional personal affront, such as a wet diaper left on too long or a bra-covered boobie that I'm having trouble getting at. Still, all in all, I'd say I have a pretty good disposition for someone still trying to figure out all you so-called "adults."

(See what I mean?)

But I have to say this: I'm a little ticked off right now about some of the stuff I've noticed going on around me. First of all, let's talk about this hair-do shown below, which is more accurately described as a "hair-don't." (Hah! You didn't think I was capable of such cynical humor, did you?)

Look, I may not know much (I'm not even 10 months old!), but I know what this is: IT'S A MULLET! And it's an outrage that my Mommy and Daddy let me walk around with this thing. (I'll resist the temptation here to further question the hygenic propriety of sharing an ear of corn in such a way, even to jack up the "cuteness" quotient of a photograph.) Daddy tries to convince me that "the mullet is going to come back in style," and regales me with silly mullet slogans like "Business in the front, party in the back!" But believe you me -- I know what's going on here. And I don't like it one bit. Seriously, do they want me to wind up looking like this or this?

I'd go around my entire life with a hat on my head, like this...

... or cover up with a hooded towel, like this...

.... except, for obvious reasons (see: my mullet), I can't trust my Mommy and Daddy to display such fashion sense at all times.

And then there's this: The more I learn about this wacky world I've been born into -- well, the more I like it, of course. But I also begin to realize how much I've been unfairly prevented from experiencing it to the fullest. Hey, Mommy and Daddy -- you've been holding out on me! Like the aforementioned corn-on-the-cob. I mean, hello? You wait until I'm nine months old to share some of that sweet goodness with me? Makes me wonder -- what else have you been holding out on me?

And how about this thing I just found out about.... ?

What, they don't think I might've enjoyed a little dip in my own swimming pool about, oh, two months ago?

And this fun, crazy stuff -- sand? Who knew it could be so much fun -- or tasty?

Just the other day, Mommy and Daddy got me this new backpack contraption to carry me around in....

Sheesh, it's about time. I thought they were going to try to push me around in that silly, expensive stroller until I was teenager, or tuck me under their arm like I'm some kind of stinkin' football. But I let them know I wasn't going to take it anymore!

And then there's the swing...

I really dig it, but seriously -- why wait so long to introduce me to this thing?

But anyway, I guess I don't really have it so rough. I don't want to sound like an ingrate. People have been very good to me so far.

Thanks for checking out my blog, and for leaving all those nice comments. Make sure you keep checking back.... I know I never miss a day!


Check back next month for my newest monthly Top 10 list. Daddy really thinks he's going to move up a spot or two this time, but I have to say -- "Tearing sh*t up" is No. 8 with a bullet!

Love to all,

Lucinda

Video clip! My patented "crab-walk" crawl!

Hi, folks. With this post, we launch a new feature on our blog: My monthly Top 10 list of my favorite things. I've been keeping track of these in my head during my (almost) nine months of life (thus, the "Months on chart" listing... For example: "Vitamin drops on pacifier" ran a close No. 2 slot behind "Mommy's boobies" until I turned five months old, at which point I got wise to that trick). But now, by the grace of the blogosphere, I have an outlet that allows me to share.

Thanks for all your comments following my blogging debut. Please keep 'em coming. I love to hear about how much you dig me!

Love,

Lucinda

LUCINDA'S TOP 10, JUNE 2007

1 Mommy's boobies (Last month: 1, Months on chart: 9)

2 Mommy (Last month: 2, Months on chart: 9)

3 Mirrors where I can see myself (Last month: 5, Months on chart: 4)

4 Gerber banana-flavored "Puffs" (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

5 Daddy (Last month: 6, Months on chart: 7)

6 Doggies that lick my face (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

7 Catchy commercial jingles (Last month: 7, Months on chart: 3)

8 Tearing sh*t up (Last month: 8, Months on chart: 5)

9 Mashed bananas (Last month: 9, Months on chart: 4)

10 This little piggy went to market... (Last month: NR, Months on chart: 1)

Dropped out of Top 10 this month: Ceiling fans, Pebbles cat, Pattycake pattycake baker's man.

So, like, is this thing plugged in? Hello? Testing, 1-2-3.

A very pleasant good afternoon, friends and family, and welcome to my new blog. That's me over there -- Lucinda Sheinin. People often say I'm adorable, but that is a value judgment about my appearance with which I am wholly uncomfortable.... Oh, who am I kidding? I love it!

As of this writing, I am 8 1/2 months old. I like it when my Daddy takes my picture, but mostly I would really like to get my hands on that camera, and maybe see if I can get any part of it in my mouth -- and if not, see if I can rip it apart, tiny piece by tiny piece. Yeah, that would be awesome.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by. Take some time, check out the pictures below. I hope to update my blog regularly, but no promises. You know how busy my life is.

That's me and my Mommy (Amy). She's very purty.

That's my daddy (Dave). He's very silly.

I like to play the piano... naked! Critics say my style is "minimalist... marked by short bursts of dissonance that, like life itself, rarely resolve themselves."

I know how to clap my hands, wave bye-bye and give kisses. I also know how to say one word, which, depending upon whom you ask, is clearly "Da-da," "Ma-ma" or "bye-bye."

Is there anything more refreshing on a hot summer day than an ice cold PBR? My Daddy doesn't think so!

Daddy thought it would be cute to take a picture of me while I was eating dinner, when I was really tired. You can tell from my expression that I was not amused.